I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to cum in my sink.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
