So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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