i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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