One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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