In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
