either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
