so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize