I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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