so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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