another moral hangover. fuck.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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