I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
