shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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