Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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