i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
