omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
