yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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