I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
