The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
