I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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