Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
