I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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