life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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