I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
