My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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