I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
