but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize