Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
