you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
