Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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