i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
