billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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