Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
