Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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