Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize