That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
