watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
