I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
