so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
