I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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