just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
