im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
