nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
