Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
