So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize