Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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