I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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