Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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