There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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