i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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