So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
