Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
