Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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