I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
