No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
