would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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