is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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