You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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