Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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