I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
