After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
