Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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