i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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