it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
