i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
