Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
