please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
