he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
and eventually we just all took our pants off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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