Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
