i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
