I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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