I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
