no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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