i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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