Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
