Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
