Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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