OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
