i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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