Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
